a pilgrim’s trace

am just happy to have retrieved a long lost prayer.  thanks to the blogspot account.

here’s a nice prayer that i got from Sunday for Skeptics. let this be my san ignacio day treat to everyone.

Disturb us, Lord

Disturb us, Lord,

When we are too well pleased with ourselves,

When our dreams have come true

Because we have dreamed too little,

When we arrived safely

Because we sailed too close to the shore.

Disturb us, Lord,

When with the abundance of things we possess

We have lost our thirst For the waters of life;

Or having fallen in love with life,

We have ceased to dream of eternity

Or in our efforts to build a new earth,

We have allowed our vision

Of the new Heaven to dim.

Disturb us, Lord,

To dare more boldly,

To venture on wider seas

Where storms will show us your mastery;

Where losing sight of land,

We shall find the stars.

We ask You to push back

The horizons of our hopes;

And to push into the future with us

In strength, courage, hope, and love.

Amen.

tsk tsk, love can’t just be a teeny-bopper flick.

the previous week passed with a brief discussion of the contents of these webpages:

http://www.tabulas.com/~annestephie/content/22601.html

www.ladderteory.com

they speak of the most objectifying identity for a person who just wants to share a part of himself — cuddlebitch and meantime girl.  teen flicks from students and even from those who are way behind their teeny-bopper years allowed me to be pretty much oriented about the concept, and twas a just a week or two when ive encountered things that are scholarly and emotionally written about them.  but, (well, everyone can blame it on my naivete) it is quite recent when i learned that somebody close to me had just been one.  prolly due to  over-empathy (and paranoia, over-intuition that is), i was able to carry the bad feeling for the entire week.  and well, this grouchy disposition was piled up by an overflow of readings from kierkegaard.

i must say that part of the slump is the fear of being one.  it does not speak of any predicament related to mine (knock on wood, pwera usog hehehe), but this serves as a word of caution.  i just wish that men can finally learn to find real worth in correct persons.  for MGs and CBs, it would be best to find their own worth first and foremost.  love is indeed an affirmation of worth in time — there will always be a threat of temporality, but each day of proving another person’s worth by virtue of your own worth can convert meantime to forever.  if you’re truly good (as evident in your actions), you are indeed and will be known to be good. however, people forget that goodness is not a matter of whim, it is an inherent quality that is being actualized.  to be good is not just to be cute, entertaining and interesting.  yes, even a thief insofar as he is a man is good, but he needs to correct his crookedness so that he can at least say to himself that he is good. 

love is always towards a good, a worth known through the truth — that can  never be discovered without an authentic experience.  good is not an abstract, it is a value dropped by the experience of light — felt by sensitive and heartfelt eyes.  The One remains only in the level of the abstract that can just be a futile dream, since there could always be a Better One in the authenticating realm of experience.  We do not wait for the One, we strive to be the One.  There could be times when we feel that s/he does not come because we are focused on the waiting part.

being an MG or a CB is a threat, but it cannot happen until one deliberately allows.  for those who thought that they’ve been one, there’s still a lot of time to find your worth, and to find a worthy one. to those who have made an MG/CB out of one, in case you’ve already found their real worth; there is perhaps a way to reclaim. 

there must be lots of filth in cyberspace, but ive found a good response to this issue:

Make "someday" TODAY. Who told you this crap that you’ve no hope to be come "Ms. Right," so you might as well settle for "Ms. Right Now?" It’s not about him. It’s about you. For as long as you accept a meantime life, you’ll ALWAYS be the Meantime Girl.

now that was a blunt way of putting it.  well, here’s something for my good friend (lotsa hugs to you and your angel) — you have somebody to fight for, two worths to affirm, yours and his.  yun na muna.

Amen.

these are the culprits:

www.laddertheory.com

http://furrymuck.q2u.net/archives/001372.html

makes me think… although i dont want to give a lecture as of this moment:

sabi nang love is a two-way street eh!  these people one-sidedly love and those they love one-sidedly use.

kaso ang problema, vehicles are still up to different directions in this two way street.

nakakatrauma, di mo pa nararanasan parang ayaw mo na ring mangyari.  pero pag di mo rin naman dinanas, at ito lang ang paraan para maging masaya, ikaw pa rin ang lugi.  pwede bang maging masaya nang mag-isa ka lang?  siguro.  (but it’s like trying to lick your elbows…  challenge, feasible to a few pero pagtatawanan ka rin lang for the futile and funny effort) 

we are limited and part of the thought of our limitation is the fact that we are related to beings beyond our solitary boundaries.  ang pagbukod ay hudyat ng paghiwalay sa iba. 

hehehe, besides mahirap magsalita ng tapos - especially if you tell it in times of uncertainty. 

Lord talaga, astig kang magbiro!

such a flighty reflection… not so well-brewed.  nonetheless, life is not limited to a set of propositions.  more often than not we are dealing with ambiguities.

guess i need more coffee. =P

**********

mentos moment: napatid yung sandals ko nung pauwi ako kanina.  high-heels pa naman.  thought i couldnt do anything about it till i realized that i was chewing a mint gum.. hehehe.. and you prolly know what happened.  hehehe, talk about a secondary final cause! mint gums are meant to be chewed, but it could also make your footwear temporarily intact.

sir aldous, salamat sa bebble gum!  hehehe.

the week when i uttered cuss for the most number of times would definitely be this recently concluded one (yep, it’s sunday… and so my cuss-counter must be reset.)  yayaman ang pax romana sa akin. (if they’re gonna apply the traditional P5 per cuss rule).

there are good things to be thankful for though — nice walks and talks with sir bong (di nakakabobo, i swear), my newly claimed non-pro, my first published article (PHAVISMINDA, May 2006 issue, naks yabang), honest-to-goodness neatly delivered lectures, the blessing of having good person/s to trust, to terrorize or both, and so on.  all of these could just speak of how God loves me despite the fact that He hurls me at situations that i never ever imagined placing myself into.

this entry is written with the original intention to vent out what i felt when i scratched two cars, released money just to save myself from being terrorized by an equally stupid driver; and of the uselessness of getting all through those crap (see, am tempted to cuss again, hehehe) just because they’re all done to save my pride (i.e., to be embarassed in any possible manner, and to prove to myself — hahaha, sa sarili ko pala! that i could gracefully go on my own).  deymn (cuss-counter!), all of those things just to save my pride — while i still don’t know if it’s indeed worth saving.

as i intend to pour my heart out, and just before i could — i always come to realize that am tired, and that i have some things to thank for anyway (scapegoats!).  and so i always fail to proceed.  you could call that as a technique for suppression or prolly just a way of putting the head over emotions, or prolly it’s just that i easily get tired.

kanina gusto ko magreklamo, ngayon ayoko na…

talk about mechanisms for survival!

all i know is that whenever i act, i am being thoughtful… ask God, He knows.

hay Lord, bahala ka na.